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From the Files of File Boy…

WARNING: Educational content, No Humor. May not be suitable for any audiences

1/29/07:

Yesterday I got up around 7:30, after deciding I wouldn’t go to church (I was tired from being up late the night before). I called my friend S. at around 8 which is the time we usually wait to call each other in the morning. I wanted to know if he’d like to go for a hike. He said he’d be going to church at 10, but would go when he got back.

At 11:45 he was home, so I loaded my dog into the truck and my fiancé and I headed over to his place to pick him up. Today he was bringing his dog, but his fiancé would not be going.

As we drove towards the Woodland Beach Wildlife Management Area, it became obvious to us that this was going to be several hours of hiking, so we dropped my fiancé back off at home because she had other engagements during the afternoon.

So we drove down route 9, and made a turn onto Lighthouse Road. This road passes one small mobile home, which is not in good condition, but much better than the next dwelling(s). On the left side there was a home of some sort, though I am not convinced anyone is still living in it. All of the windows were out, and there was no indication that there was any electricity in it. There was a dog chained to the front door, or near the door. Immediately adjacent to this old home was another, just slightly better home. This one had a light on inside which was visible, and a truck was parked out front. These were perhaps amongst the worst homes I have seen anywhere in the state.

A few hundred yards beyond these homes the road becomes gravel and dirt, and ends at a metal access bar. We parked there, let the dogs out and began hiking. The area is clearly marked as state property and as a wildlife area.

There was an elevated path which we took through the first piece of woods. There were several pieces of cars on either side of us, which I would like to go back and explore. On the right side was a truck, which had been separated from its bed by a hundred yards or so. On the left side of the path was what appeared to be an old school bus, thought I’m not sure what it was. It was several hundred yards back into the woods. We left those woods though very quickly and came out onto a marshland that was larger than any I had ever seen in Delaware. On either side of the elevated path, the land dropped off into this marshy phrag which was muddy and gutted with small creeks. The creeks were mostly mud; with little water in them (perhaps it was low tide).

Looking in any direction, there was only more marshland, with an occasional clump of trees to be seen out in the distance. As we walked the path, we passed three clumps of trees on our left, each one having a deer hunting tree stand in it. The last of the three also contained an old homestead. The homestead was more of a rock foundation, with odd rocks strewn about, possibly the remnants of an old rock wall. These rocks were granite, and of course did not look local. There was also an old well which was covered by rotting wood. This looked pretty dangerous, but it was unmistakable and the water level was within a foot of the top, owing to the high water table.

We continued down this path for what seemed like several miles, noticing shells, a muskrat skull, deer droppings and fox holes. It looked like the path we were walking was the area’s hub of activity, which made sense since it was likely the only solid and dry ground in the area. The feathers indicated to me what the foxes were eating.

As we continued down the path we saw something running ahead, which we guessed was a fox or muskrat because of its size. It ducked into the marsh grasses before we could approach, but my dog went in after it. Her reluctance to leave the marsh gave me reason to go in after her. While I was in the marshy grasses, a man walked up to S. I would guess that he was in his 60s and was out there alone. He had a GPS unit hanging from his coat, and he told us he was out there hiding things, in a sort of “high-tech treasure hunt” called geo-caching. This meeting happened at the fork in the path, and this older fellow had just returned from the path that diverts right. This would have probably been another mile each way that he had to walk. He advised us to continue straight, and at the next fork to take the right sided path. He said this path would terminate on the beach. If we turned left, about 100 feet up the shoreline we would find the remnants of an old light house.

We did as he said and found the old foundation of a lighthouse. It was mostly bricks which were being reclaimed by the bay. Bricks were all over the beach. I found many rocks, shells and other things of interest on the beach.

A bit further up the beach in the same direction was the breakwater for the Smyrna River. Unfortunately we also could see Salem Nuclear Power plant’s cooling tower, and what appeared to be a smaller lighthouse on stilts, north of the Smyrna River’s confluence with the DE Bay.

Also of interest here was the shoreline which is being undercut by the tides of the bay. When we were there (again, possibly at low tide) I was able to walk down to the water’s edge and see the many layers of silt, clay and sand of the beach. At the top was a brownish green algae and grass “mat” layer. Immediately below this layer was the sandy beach layer. Below this, approximately 2 feet below surface was a silvery grey colored layer, which I interpreted as the layer below sea water (the color indicates the anaerobic micro-organisms which live there – anaerobic indicating they live and die below water). I took some time to look at these layers but did not see any fossil material or other hard substances.

The beach had pebbles, driftwood, pieces of boats, bricks and pieces of bricks and old pottery, several samples of which I brought home. I had the feeling that this was a beach that did not see much tourist traffic, and would represent an ideal place to search for fossils, rocks or other shipwrecked items of interest.

The foundation of the abandoned lighthouse looked to have a front wall of brick which was several layers thick (in one area it appeared to be the width of 5 or 6 bricks, and in another there was 10 or 12 brick-widths of thickness to it). I assumed that the shoreline had eroded back and undercut the original foundation which at one point may have been a hundred yards from the water or more.

The walk back was so long that I began to get sore and exhausted. This is a long walk, but well worth it. I would recommend not taking this walk when the mosquitoes or other bugs are out. Although, I’d imagine the shorebirds and other wildlife viewing opportunities might make up for some of the discomfort.

What was amazing to me was that after hiking all of those miles and not leaving state land, and upon beginning our drive home, we drove past several more miles of “Wildlife Management Area” signs, which indicates the size of this piece of land. When you consider that north of this area is Cedar Swamp, and south is Bombay Hook National Wildlife Refuge, you get an idea of the size and amount of this protected block of land. South of Bombay Hook is Little Creek Wildlife Management Area. This is an expansive tract of uninterrupted protected lands.

New JVC 38DD/Shut-up Model Hits Stores

NewYork NY (AP) – You’re sitting in your easy chair watching a particularly spicy episode of Nip Tuck. The doctor is admiring the results of his most recent breast augmentation surgery and is receiving a “personal” thank you from Ms. former perky B-32, (now a healthy curvoluptuous 38DD) when your caffeine and nicotine deprived-PMS-ing – had too much of the kids - non-stop-yammering- standing in front of the TV Wife (with her own 32-Bs) tells you “ENOUGH! with this show already!” in a way that leaves no room for doubt, that you are, in fact, finished watching.

Do not fret my fine P-whipped friend for help has arrived! JVC has just released the New 38DD/Shut-up Model XXcr Influencer. (See Picture) How does it work? Like a fucking charm sir. Like a fucking charm! Accompanying the 18-button hand-held unit (See Picture) is the real brain and brawn behind this product – a three millimeter breath mint (not pictured) which, in actuality is a tiny microcomputer that imbeds itself into the stomach lining of anyone who consumes it. It is both activated by stomach acid and incredibly, stomach acid provides the “juice” to make this little baby run. The microcomputer, once activated, quickly innervates surrounding tissues and sends nerve impulses and commands at levels which exceed normal brain stimulation levels. In other words, implantees are powerless to override the controlled impulses sent by the hand-held unit into the tiny brain.

The product is based upon technology developed by the CIA during the Bush administration to elicit cooperation from enemy combatants. Seeing how remarkably well these devices worked, it wasn’t long until “other” uses were envisioned by CIA handlers.

This product is SO simple and so easy to use, that believe it or not, it doesn’t even come with directions (other than the simple instruction to give the breath mint to the implantee 24 hours before attempting use.) These little beauties are selling fast, and can be found in most fine men’s stores and on the Internet. The MSRP is $795.00 but good discounts can be found.

Product reviews are welcome.

by d.tkon

Man Storms out of Room, Silent Bewilderment Ensues

Wilmington, DE - When 30 year old Jason Wilks sat down to dinner today, he had no intention of making this the day that he finally took a stand.

In what has become a long-established daily tradition at the Wilk's family home in Wilmington, dinner is served at 5:30 p.m., when the family returns home from a long day at work. Everyone except Jason, of course, who is still unemployed since his unexpected "lay-off" at Blockbuster video, shortly before Christmas.

Today, when the conversation turned to Jason's unemployment, the recent breakdown of his relationship with longtime girlfriend Kimberly Watson and Jason's inability to keep his room clean, Jason became frustrated.

Reports from the scene indicate that as the meal progressed, the feeling of anger and embarassment began to intensify in Jason when the family collectively mocked his intention to "...go get a job with one Blockbuster's competitors".

"Why do you always shit on all of my dreams" Jason shouted rhetorically as he ran out of the room.

"He told us that he was laid-off because of corporate downsizing" Jason's older brother told reporters. "I don't know if he expects us to believe that after its happened to him 400 times over the past 3 years".

Early indications are that the family plans to continue to shit on Jason's dreams "...until he gets a job and cleans up his room" his father said after the incident.

by File Boy

Gay Activists Demand an Apology from Actor Washington

HOLLYWOOD – Isaiah Washington angered the gay and lesbian community last week by using the term “faggot” at the Golden Globe awards, and now the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is demanding an apology. Isaiah Washington is a prominent star on the hit television show, Grey’s Anatomy. According to Washington, he himself is not a faggot.
Fellow cast-mates were shocked when Washington grabbed the microphone in the press room and insisted he never used the word “faggot” to describe gay cast-mate T.R. Knight.

Mr. Knight has commented that Washington had used the term on the set, and that he was surprised he would use it again.In a move that seems to borrow a page out of African-American activist Jesse Jackson’s or Al Sharpton’s “play book”, GLAAD is now targeting Washington and has demanded an apology, and has requested talks with the star, to raise awareness of the issue. GLAAD has also sought camera time and interviews with news agencies nationwide.

Dr. Fitzpatrick of the National Institute on People, Places and Locations, Etc… (“NIPPLE”) said, “You know, Eddie Murphy once quipped in his stand-up performances, ‘Hey man, don’t mess with faggots. Faggots will kick yo ass’. When Eddie made those comments, he was protected from any backlash since he was a member of the African American community. As such, Eddie could make fun of anyone, at any time.”

Dr. Fitzpatrick went on to say, “Many African Americans have made a lucrative career out of bashing members of various other ethnic, religious and racial groups. Who can forget Richard Pryor’s imitation of ‘honkeys’ walking, talking and just being too ‘white’, or Chris Rock’s ability to make the only white person in the audience feel uncomfortable”.

All that has changed though, say some analysts, as gay Americans have seemingly laid claim to all of the rights and privileges that go along with being a member of the top spot in America’s burgeoning minority class. Until recently, the top spot was African American, followed by Mentally-handicapped American, and then gay American.

With the recent and surprising supplanting of African American's top spot by gay Americans, some wonder what will become of the handicapped and mentally ill Americans.

The furor over the comments made by Washington continues to stir up emotions, whether it is in Hollywood or locally.
Following the Golden Globes awards many area neighborhoods reported handfuls of concerned gays who had spilled out onto the streets, many beginning impromptu rallies to demonstrate their solidarity. One demonstrator found a megaphone on his partner’s body and began a chant: “We’re here! We’re Queer! We take it in the re…”

When reached for comment GLAAD President Neil Giuliano said, "Oh, Jethuth Chrith”.

by File Boy

Man Eats Whole Goddamn Box Of Donuts!

Wilmington, DE (AP). Moments after consuming the twelfth and final Dunkin Donuts chocolate glazed donut, Wilmington Delaware resident Gary VonCleaff, 46, admitted Monday that eating an entire box of donuts was not originally part of his plan for the evening. "I figured I'd kick back in front of the TV, watch American Idol and Twenty-Four, and maybe enjoy a donut or two," the sated, chocolate-faced VonCleaff said. "But before I knew it, the whole goddamn box was gone."

Originally, VonCleaff had stopped off at the famous fried-dough purveyor's Kirkwood Highway store after work to pick up something for dessert. “I had had a shitty day at work and wanted something sweet to make me feel better. – You know, comfort food. I thought I’d buy a dozen for me, the wife and the kids.” Said VonCleaff. Apparently, VonCleaff’s two children had a school related performance, which took them and VonCleaff’s poorly-aging wife out of the house for the evening. “I was glad the hosebag was out for the evening and took the little bastards with her.” Said VonCleaff.

Recounting the epicurian event, VonCleaff said, “I was minding my own business watching TV. The first two dounuts – I don’t know - they went down just like water. Honestly, I don’t even remember chewing.” Added VonCleaff, “It was weird. I can remember thinking, ‘No!’ and then I was opening the box and choosing over and over. There were so many wonderful flavors to pick from. The cream and jelly-filleds went quickly and I don’t think the crullers should even count, they’re so full of air. Two should equal like one maybe.” VonCleaff added. “I think there’s something magical about the number Seven. Because once I ate the seventh donut, something in me just snapped, and at that point I realized, ‘I’m going for it!’” Said VonCleaff. “I knew I was going to finish the whole goddamn box right then and there. Besides, first of all, I was still hungry and secondly, if my wife came home and found a Dunkin Donuts box with nine donuts missing, she’d have something to say about it. Actually, she’d have something to say about anything, but I wasn’t taking any chances and I just didn’t want to hear any of her shit. Besides, they were fucking delicious!”

by d.tkon

Man Has One Last Argument with Wife Before Leaving for Work

Milford, DE – Anthony Wolf was just about ready to walk out of his front door this morning when he turned to his wife and said, “And I don’t know what your mom’s problem is, she must have her head up her ass”.

Every day Anthony sets the alarm for 4:42 a.m., which he says allows enough time to “Take a shower, shave, and have a cup of coffee”. He doesn’t usually allow extra time for arguing with his wife, which has become more commonplace in recent months.

“Today she actually got her lazy ass out of bed and was awake before sunrise, which was a shock”, he said. “She likes to sleep in and then get up around 10, call me at the office and nag about something” Anthony reported.

Anthony’s wife, Roberta was homecoming queen of their local high school when she was only 17 years old. “That was the year I met Anthony. Of course he still had all his hair back then and was about 300 pounds thinner”, Roberta said.

“I’d like to see her shut up just once” Anthony told his co-workers at a meeting this morning. “I don’t think she’s ever shut up once in all the years I’ve known her” he also said.

Anthony was about 20 minutes late to work this morning, according to his manager Keith Upton.

by File Boy

Couples Hope For Lucky Weddings On 7/7/07

SACRAMENTO, Calif. -- Plenty of couples are hoping to that luck will find them on their wedding day.

Wedding planners say this coming July 7 is their busiest day in years. That's because it will be 7/7/07.

Popular wedding spots all over the nation have been booked for months.

Bride-to-be Darla Bitford said she and her fiance made their reservation at the Boomtown Casino Hotel on the outskirts of Reno almost two years in advance.

Aside from the lucky sevens, Bitford figures her wedding date has another advantage. With the anniversary date of 7/7, it will be tough for her future husband to forget.

Couples who did not calculate the number of the beast, as recommended in the New Testament book of Revelation in the Christian bible, and who made the unfortunate decision to wed on June 6, of this past year have been re-thinking the wisdom of marrying on 6/06/06.

“Since he came to live with us, we’ve not been sleeping well” said Ann McGarity of New Bedford Falls, MA when asked about the 15 foot-tall Satan living in their den.

“I think he likes it when we argue, and if I hear one more backward Latin phrase at 2 in the morning, I’m going to kill my wife and family and then dismember them all” said Jack McGarity, Anne’s husband.

Therapist Judy Vinn at the Center for the Improvement of Marital Relationships said, “People often discount the importance of having a Satan or demon-free home. Then they are surprised when the Devil shows up looking for souls or to torment incessantly”.

“Why did we get married on 6/6/06? Because his mom’s birthday was on June 6th, and he thought it would be a good idea. I want to see him burning alive in oil” said Vicky Lambona referring to her husband Rick.

Therapists around the nation report being inundated with unhappy couples who were wed on the day of the beast. “These people are often fixated on torturing their spouse or creating some sort of mayhem. It makes me chuckle to think about it” said Mary Wishcomb of New Baptist Ministries for Married Couples. “If I had a nickel for every ‘I want to chop her up’ or ‘I’m going to eat her alive’ I’d be very well-off” she went on to say.

By File Boy

Are you a Redneck/White Trash?

The answer may surprise you! Answer these simple questions and find out. Select the answer that best describes you.

1.) Confederate Flags
a.) I fly one in my front yard

b.) I own or have owned an article of clothing with a confederate flag on it (includes Civil War t-shirts, bandanas, and southern rock band logos)
c.) I don’t fly one, but I have family members that do/someone in my family has a rebel flag piece of clothing
d.) I think South Carolina ought to be able to fly a confederate flag in public places, since it is part of their heritage
e.) I hate it, and all that it represents
2.) The South
a.) I believe the south will “rise again”, and when it does I’ll be ready to join up.
b.) I don’t actually believe it will ever happen, but I like to fantasize about the south “rising again”
c.) I am related to someone who is anxiously awaiting a re-birth of the glorious south
d.) I respect people who wish the north hadn’t won the civil war, and I understand the pain and embarrassment of losing the civil war, but c’mon, let’s turn the page
e.) I hate the south, I’m glad the Yankees crushed you hicks, and I hope you burn in hell.
3.) College
a.) Never heard of it
b.) Sounds familiar, but not interested
c.) I have family that once attended for a semester
d.) I went to a community college for a little while
e.) I have a degree in something
4.) Tattoos
a.) I have my friend’s name (may he rest in peace) on my forehead
b.) I have someone else’s name on my body
c.) I have under three tattoos, all of which are in places you won’t see unless I want you to
d.) I have a tattoo, hidden, and not larger than a bread box
e.) I don’t have a tattoo, and I think they are bad. You’ll only regret them later
5.) Hound Dogs/Hunting
a.) I hunt everything that I am allowed to hunt, and a couple things I’m not supposed to. I own a hound dog
b.) I hunt, but I follow all of the rules. No hound dog
c.) I have family members who have hunted.
d.) I fish sometimes in the summer
e.) Hunting? The only thing I hunt for is the remote control.
6.) Transportation
a.) It is a man’s birthright to own a truck, and there should be testicles hanging off the back, prominently displayed. Rebel flag bumper stickers or antenna flags add flare.
b.) I drive a truck, and there have been dead animals in the back of it, no flags, no balls on truck
c.) My dad once owned a truck. My mom made him sell it.
d.) I own a station wagon or SUV, does that count?
e.) They don’t yet make a hybrid truck
7.) Work
a.) While I’m at work, I can swear and say whatever I want, we’re all guys and there’s no rules there’s no dress code either
b.) While I’m at work, I have to be careful what I say, but I can wear jeans and sneakers every day
c.) I have to wear a uniform, which must be clean, but I read some bad stuff in the bathroom which made me laugh
d.) I wear business casual every day (possibly a casual Friday), but I must watch what I say, and practice professional conduct at all times
e.) Same as above, but I have to wear a suit at least once per week
8.) Guns
a.) I own more guns than I can count. I plan to buy more
b.) I own a few hunting guns, and I like them, but I don’t get to shoot as often as I’d like
c.) My dad has a .22 hidden somewhere in his house that I’ll probably inherit one day, but my wife will be mad about it. I have shot a gun at least once in my life.
d.) I had a bb-gun when I was a kid
e.) Guns are very scary, people who own them scare me, my children won’t be allowed to have a slingshot
9.) Church/Temple/Religion
a.) I don’t even own any clothing nice enought to wear to any religious ceremony

b.) I go to church or temple twice per year (Christmas and Easter, or for big days)
c.) I was raised as a church/temple goer, but haven’t gone in years
d.) I try to go as much as possible, but I admit I should go more. I probably go once per month.
e.) I go every Sunday/Saturday/once per week.
10.) Women (to be answered by men, if you are a woman, replace “women/woman” with “minority” and “man/men” with “you”)
a.) I believe they are getting uppity, and I wish they’d stop hiring so many of them at work
b.) I like women at work because they are nice to look at
c.) My mom is a woman(/my dad became a woman), so I guess I’m coming around to seeing them as equals
d.) I’m ready to treat them as equals, and I’d hire a woman if I were in charge
e.) Women are smarter then men, as a man I’m afraid of them, and need one around the tell me what to do

Now, let’s see how you did. Count up how many of each you agreed with. For every A, give yourself 5 points, B = 4 points, C = 3 points, D = 2 points and E = 1 point. If you scored between 40 and 50, you are a redneck or possibly white trash. For scores between 27 and 39, you are a redneck sympathizer. You probably are married to a redneck or come from a white trash family. For scores of 14-26, You are about average. You’re doing your best to embrace change and you’ve tried to lead the best life you can. For scores of 10-13, you may be a gay. If you scored less than 10, you are just retarded.

Skeleton From 1800s Unearthed In Allentown

ALLENTOWN, Pa. -- Workers excavating a site for a housing development unearthed a skeleton that is most likely from the 1800s, according to authorities.

Morowville Chief Deputy Coroner Paul Zimmo said the remains were from a person who most likely died of natural causes and was buried in a grave on the property, which used to be a farm.

The skeleton was exhumed Friday from a lot in the Dillmoor development in Lower Macunsac Township, and Zimmo added that a forensic anthropologist with the Pennsylvania Historical and Museum Commission will examine the remains. The state will eventually rebury them, Zimmo said.

He said the wooden coffin had disintegrated, but the skeleton was surrounded by flat nails from around 1850.

"We don't think it's a crime scene." He says criminals usually don't bury their victims in coffins," Zimmo said.

After thanking the excavators, Joan went on to say that she planned to host the Grammy’s next year with her daughter, Melissa.

By File Boy

Studies Show...

Its always a good time to waste some time. Be sure and waste more time here tomorrow.

By File Boy

Dunkin Dumbs It Down

The core market for Dunkin' Donuts is the segment of the population that feels uncomfortable with the word "panini." To accommodate them, the company changed the name of one of their new sandwiches to "stuffed melt," but this isn't the end of their push to make customers more comfortable. Preserve-filled crullers have been renamed “Hydrogenated-fat-soaked dough-balls filled with fruit-flavored sugar, thickened with pectin.” But perhaps the real reason for the name change is that Dunkin Donuts’ employees cannot pronounce words like panini.

In an article (subscription only) in the Wall Street Journal, the marketing and branding teams of Dunkin' Donuts revealed their research has shown there are two main groups in their potential customer base, dubbed "tribes." In the first tribe, there are people to frequent Starbucks. They like the atmosphere there and want their coffees with a couch; Dunkin' locations are too bare-bones for them. The second tribe is the Dunkin' tribe. These make up the core audience for Dunkin' donuts and are "bewildered and turned off by the atmosphere at Starbucks." When they do, perchance, wander into a Starbucks, they "don't get it."

To keep the existing customers happy while bringing in new ones, Dunkin' Donuts is making some changes. In addition to renaming some of their products, they are bringing in new foods, like dough-wrapped pork and "Dunkin' Dawgs" to encourage customers to come in at lunch time, as well as cookies and other baked goods to bring them in, in the afternoons. The pastry cases and espresso bars will be revamped to look flashier, but there will still be no couches. They don't want customers to feel too comfortable because it actually, according to their research, makes the Dunkin' tribe uncomfortable.

Nothing, however, is being done about the “far-east” cultural issue plaguing most Dunkin Donuts. “Vee are dill dudying de issue yessss! Vee mosz certainly are, yes thankyouverymuch!” said Dunkin Donuts CEO Balooh Simdanchaniij. “Yes! YES! You are too bleese to comeagain!” said Simdanchaniij. “Yes! YES! Vileyoo here, you should most definitely dake home as many donuts azyooo can carry please!” said Simdanchaniij. “Wait! WAIT! Here! I vill show to you picture of my vamily. Dis is my daughter Sarita Simdanchaniij; Dis is my daughter Nafshari Simdanchaniij, Dis is my daughter Ramah Simdanchaniij; My son, Rupi Simdanchaniij; My other son who is also my son, Hajari Simdanchaniij; and my wortless-good-for-nuting vife, Shamalanalhalahalhhalaha Simdanchaniij.” Said Simdanchaniij. “Ok! Is dat for here or doo go?”

by d.tkon

Snow!!!

Attached you will find a chart depicting what I think are the best chances for snow in the coming days and weeks. These predictions are for the Delaware Valley and the surrounding area.

If I had to make a wager, I'd bet that some time between the 26th of January and the 3rd of February we're going to get a good snowstorm (I really am hoping so). By big snow I'm thinking over 6 inches. We'll see. If nothing else, it looks like its going to be cold into at least the first week of February, but then again, you already knew that, right?

If I see something that changes any of these predictions as we get closer to them I'll post an update and let you know what to expect.

by File Boy

Freezing Spit Revisited...

In an earlier blog we dealt with the topic of freezing spit; and to date we don't have any definitive answers. We know that this was tried at Antarctica at around -30 or -40 and the saliva froze as soon as it hit the ground, but we have not found the answer to the question: "At what temperature does spit freeze before hitting the ground?" I want to know how cold does it have to be in order for your spit to hit the ground as an ice cube? I predicted it would snow between the 12th and the 18th and it did so I'm great.

In an effort to glean this answer from the experts I contacted the scientists atop Mount Washington, thinking they might have the answer. As it turns out, despite Mount Washington having what many consider to be "The World's Worst Weather", and despite holding the record for the fastest land wind speed (During a wild April storm in 1934, a wind gust of 231 miles per hour (372 kilometers per hour) pushed across the summit of Mount Washington. This wind speed still stands as the all-time surface wind speed record), they actually do not get as cold as more sheltered valley areas, and the lowest temperature recorded in the state was -47. I don't really care if s'girl doesn't want to hear about snow or ice or freezing spit, I'm the blog poster and you will read what I post and like it.

In our quest to find this answer we've seen the boasts of others who have claimed to perform this feat at extremely low temperatures. One blog site contained an article from a man who lived in Illinois who claimed to have performed this experiment when the temperature in IL plunged to -70 or less. Thanks to our crack researchers (blog readers) we later learned that the lowest temperature ever recorded in IL was -36 (thanks Addgirl), so that was a bust.

What we think is that the temperature must be lower than -50, but what we still want to find out is, how just how low does it need to be? The problem, of course is that temps in the -50 and lower range are very rare, and where these temps occur with any frequency people are usually scarce, so there's a dearth of statistics on this topic. Plus some people think its silly, but those people are wrong.

I have a few more options that I will look into to find this answer, and when I do I will update the blog with the findings (and hopefully a video).

In the meantime, and on a related note, an interesting experiment was conducted on Mount Washington regarding water freezing before it hits the ground. The question or hypothesis was that boiling water would freeze more quickly when thrown into extrememly cold air (lower than -20) than would room-temperature water. Seems counterintuitive, but here's the video to show you what happens...

CLICK HERE MT. WASHINGTON VIDEO

by File Boy

Lindsay Lohan Checks Into Rehab

Actress Has Been Attending AA Meetings, U.S. Recoils in Utter Disbelief

Lindsay Lohan has checked into rehab.

"I have made a proactive decision to take care of my personal health. I appreciate your well wishes and ask that you please respect my privacy at this time," said the 20-year-old actress (whose very fame derives from her very public life) in a statement issued Wednesday through her publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnick.

Us Weekly reports that Lohan entered the posh Wonderland Center in Los Angeles at 2:30 p.m. Wednesday, arriving in a sports utility vehicle and clutching a Red Bull.

Zelnick confirmed to The Associated Press in December that Lohan was attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

“Dear God help us all, I didn’t see this one coming”, said Fred Schlippe, editor of Star magazine, “I’m speechless”.

Lohan told People magazine then that she had been going to the meetings for a year.

“Its time like these that shake us to our very core” said the emotional president, George W. Bush when reached for comment at his Texas ranch, “I will alert the international community and begin to plan a summit of world leaders. Holy Shit.” He went on to say.

Sources at the Pentagon confirmed that Vice President Cheney was moved to an “undisclosed location” following the media’s confirmation of the Lohan story.

"I haven't had a drink in seven days. Or anything," the half-witted Lohan said to People. "I'm not even legal to, so why would I? I don't drink when I go to clubs. I drink with my friends at home, but there's no need to. I feel better not drinking. It's more fun. I have Red Bull."

Analysts have reviewed the statement, searching for logic or congruity, but have come up with nothing. “She states she hasn’t had a drink in 7 days, which means she did drink a week ago. Then she goes on to say she isn’t legal to drink, which is true. She then states that she drinks with her friends at home, but there’s no need to, and that she feels better not drinking. It will be months before we can decipher what her statement actually means” said Dr. Hugo of the Institute for Sobriety.

Last July, Lohan was treated for several hours at a Los Angeles area hospital for overheating and dehydration on the set of "Georgia Rule." The LA hospital administered several cc’s of Red Bull until she recovered.

The actress, whose other screen credits include "Mean Girls," "Bobby," "A Prairie Home Companion" and "Freaky Friday," recently had surgery to remove her appendix. In a surprising discovery, doctors have found that the appendix, which has been mischaracterized as a “useless organ”, is actually the organ responsible for sobriety and class.

By File Boy

Hormone-Laced Milk, Lower Class Not Welcome At Some Starbucks

SEATTLE -- Starbucks Coffee Co. is ending its use of milk products that contain an artificial growth hormone, starting in much of the West and New England.

Less than a month after announcing that the chain would stop selling items with trans fats in half its U.S. stores, Starbucks said Tuesday it had begun buying only milk products without bovine growth hormone in those areas.

Starbucks has 255,097,668 stores in the United States, but the number affected by the change was not immediately calculable. It covers company-owned Starbucks outlets in Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Alaska, Montana, Northern California and New England, places known for people of good breeding, higher standards and more wealth.

For more than a decade, some advocacy groups have asserted that there has not been enough research on the effects in humans of milk products from cows that were given the hormone, which is administered to dairy cattle during the middle phase of lactation to boost milk production.

Absent any proof of the ill-effects of the hormone, Starbucks has increased prices and profits by making the products it sells more expensive, while simultaneously decreasing flavor and quality.

"We think its good news, and we are happy to hear it," said a latte-sipping Patty Lovera, assistant director of Food and Water Watch in Washington, D.C., after learning of the Starbucks move.

Large-scale dairy operators said there is no scientific evidence to suggest any effect on humans from the recombinant bovine growth hormone, (rBGH), which is marketed as Posilac by Monsanto Co. of St. Louis, which obtained approval from the Food and Drug Administration for commercial sales beginning in early 1994. This move by Starbucks will bankrupt many smaller-scale farms, an unfortunate but humorous result, according to company spokespeople.

Starbucks likely will wind up boosting prices because the hormone is now so widely used, and because they haven’t made enough money yet, Thompson said.

"Unless they are willing to absorb a higher cost and take a smaller profit, they will have to pass it on to the consumer," Thompson said. "They will have to pay more to get the product." Members of the Starbucks board of directors issued a collective guffaw at the notion that Starbucks would absorb any of the cost increase.

"We have strict standards to ensure our products have high quality, and we want to ensure that our products reach only preferred customers, such as those with good taste and the well-to-do," Gould said. "We are working to reach a one world government and annihilation of all competitors.”

By File Boy

Panda Too Overweight To Mate, Keepers Say

BANGKOK, Thailand -- Sex and fat don't mix, at least not for Chuang Chuang the panda. Zoo keepers said he is too overweight to mate.

Now, Chuang Chuang is on a strict bamboo leaf diet at the Chiang Mai Zoo in northern Thailand. Zoo officials hope the weight-loss regime will get Chuang Chuang in shape for making some panda whoopee.

Zoo keepers have introduced Chuang Chuang to Ling Ling, a female panda at the same zoo.

Ling Ling has rejected Chuang Chuang’s advances, especially when they have occurred in front of her babies, Shiang Shiang and Truang Truang. Ding Ding, the head zoo keeper has suggested other ways to stimulate the pandas, including the idea of possibly showing the animals some “panda porn” to get them in the mood. Ding Ding’s supervisor, Spang Spang has rejected these ideas, noting in near perfect Engrish that pandas are “…velly consurative and don’t go in foll that solt of thing”.

Though Chuang Chuang is too fat to mate, and has generated little interest amongst the female pandas in the zoo, not everyone is uninterested in Chuang Chuang. Kentucky Fried Panda (“KFP”) has recently contacted the zoo to inquire about the hefty panda.

When reached for comment, KFP representatives were quoted as saying that in all likelihood, Chuang Chuang is finger ling-ling good.

By File Boy

Detroit Plans Extra Cushion for Pushing


Detroit, MI (AP) On the heals of numerous calls to the big three auto dealers, plans are now underway to help alleviate the friction and aggravation caused by their latest new Personal Safety Device recently released at the 2007 Las Vegas Auto Show. Evidently, questions were raised as to “how hard you would have to be hit from behind to get a good deployment.” Speculation as to whether “one good shot in the rear” or “would it take multiple rear end collisions” to deploy the device led the auto makers to install another safety precaution.

The device, appropriately called ‘Big Balls’, would allow for an extra cushion of protection between the striking object and the unfortunate victim. It is hoped that the device would stand up to multiple attempts to try and “trick” the Personal Safety Device into spontaneous deployment not triggered by front-end collisions. As with the Personal Safety Devices, Big Balls will sell for between $225.00 -- $480.00 depending on the features selected and will bounce into the retail market in March of this year.

(Thoughtfully submitted and lovingly crafted by S'Girl)

@#%&*!!!

Foreign Vulgarity versus the Domestic Variety – Have we let down our International Counterparts?

To find the answer, the editors have scoured the very depths of the internet (and our own experiences) and bring you the following…

Most would argue that English obscenities are a pale shadow of the invective used in other languages. The F-word is the least of it. If there's a language that doesn't have the equivalent of the F’ word, I've yet to hear about it. Poles have pierdolic, the French foutre (from the Latin futuere), Soviet Georgians secems ... you get the idea.

And what about the Italian fangooloo (in my neck of the woods I always heard fongool)? According to Kevin Beary's Florentine Locutions (1991), it's properly spelled vaffanculo, a contraction of “va a fare in culo”, and literally means "go do [it] in the ass," (i.e., bugger off, f_ck off, and f_ck you). Some Italians affirm that the “ass” referred to is that of one's interlocutor, while others assert that the orifice in question is not yours or mine or anyone's in particular, but rather the universal anus," Beary says.

Hmmm, not bad, but are there others? Vaffanculo is merely the best known of a rich tradition of Italian oaths and imprecations. Not to be left out the Dutch dabble in some damnings as well.

In Dutch profanity, I like that Eikel can mean both dickhead and acorn, obviously owning to the Dutchman's underendowment. (Pardon my editorial chuckle, ha-ha). Ahem.

The Dutch also have a saying, Krig de mazelen, "May you get the measles". Not bad, but seems to be lacking.

What about this one: Matumbo yangu huzaa maradhi, "My womb has born a disease," Swahili. Said by a mother to a disobedient child. I think this one rings a bell to me, sadly.

Ooh, here’s a good one: La reputisima madre que te recontra mil pario, "The twice most whorish mother that bore you again and again one thousand times," Spanish (Argentina).

Mabial agpi-agpi ke mabial nganswang, "[You have] very short breasts like the breasts of a porcupine," Dinga (spoken in Zaire). Or: Dem inear-inear, "[You have a] greatly lined and wrinkled belly."

Melewe silom we ie maragus, "Your mother has yaws," Ulithian (Ulithi is a coral atoll in the Pacific.) Also: Falfulul silom, "Your mother's pubic tattooing!"

But unquestionably the best one is as follows: Bi damaghi babat rydam, "I shit on your father's nose," Farsi (Iran). Also: Guz bi rishit, "May a fart be on your beard." YES!! That’s what I want to tell people every day here at work. Guz bi rishit!

What English lacks in creativity is more than made up for in its signature simplicity. In fact many would argue that we have perfected it. After all, where else would you hear someone tell you to go f' your mother, eat one, f' off, eat sh_t, and shove it up your a$$? String these together and you have an America specialty.

Clearly we don't lack potential, just ambition.

By File Boy

File Boy (a.k.a. Dr. Snow)

Remember? I was driving by your house and you saluted as I drove by?

by ass hat

New Personal Safety Device Wildly Popular With Men

Detroit, MI (AP) The big three auto dealers plain to unveil the latest in personal safety devices at the 2007 Auto Show in Las Vegas next month. The product is called the Dual Personal Air Bag, whose design is based upon standard airbag technology currently found in newer automobiles. “This device is for folks with late model cars that were built before airbags became mandatory” said Gil Green, Safety Director for Chrysler. “We expect a lot of folks to purchase this device, especially now that the importance of airbags can no longer be questioned."

The Dual Personal Airbag is incorporated into regular clothing and can be worn, in most cases, without even being noticed. Most of the clothing choices are actually fashionable. And a sports line of clothing is also available with the device installed. The big three estimate that an additional 65,000 lives can be saved annually if the device is used properly. Early test results are positive. There have been fewer than a dozen reports of spontaneous deployments not triggered by front-end collisions. Devices will sell for between $225.00 -- $480.00 depending on the features selected and will burst upon the retail market in March of this year.

by d.tkon

86-Year-Old Woman Injured By Her Own Car

PLEASANT GAP, Pa. -- An 86-year-old Centre County woman is in critical condition after being run over by her own car.

Spring Township police said it happened just after 9 a.m. this morning in Pleasant Gap.

Police said Elizabeth Buchman stopped to pick up a friend and put her car in park. The car immediately shifted itself into reverse.

When she got out of the car the door knocked her to the ground. The car then began going in circles, running over Buchman and trapping her underneath.

Witnesses report that shortly after the car came to a stop, the windshield wiper fluid began spraying the elderly woman in her eyes, and the exhaust pipe seemed to be aimed at her nostrils.

The car had apparently been biding its time, dangling above her like the sword of Damocles, waiting to crush her like a paper cup.

By File Boy

Brrr!

Get ready for the cold! This is a map of the predicted lows on the 27th of January. The 28th will be even colder than this. Oh, and there’s been some rumblings of several potential snows. There’s a chance on the 18th, the 21st and the 25/26th. This is for the big cities of the east coast. If you live inland, your chances go up for snow for these dates. Enjoy!

by File Boy

Workers Eager to Celebrate Life of Martin Luther King

Most workers are excited to have the day off on Monday, January 15th to celebrate the life and times of Dr. Martin Luther King.

“I’ll probably sleep-in and then get up and make something to eat” said John Lyville of East Rutherford, NJ.

In 1986, Martin Luther King Day was established as a Federal United States holiday. It was only the fourth Federal holiday to honor an individual (the other three being in honor of Jesus of Nazareth, George Washington and Christopher Columbus).

“I still haven’t taken down my Christmas tree, so I’ll probably do that at some point during the day” said Byron Adams of Milford, DE.

“I’m going to change the oil in my car” reported Hank Lawrence, a school teacher at William Penn High School.

Martin Luther King, Jr. (January 15, 1929 – April 4, 1968) was a famous leader of the American civil rights movement, a political activist, and a Baptist minister. In 1964, King became the youngest man to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize (for his work as a peacemaker, promoting nonviolence and equal treatment for different races).

“This is great because it falls right in the middle of January shotgun deer season” said a man who wished to remain anonymous.

On April 4, 1968, Dr. King was assassinated in Memphis, Tennessee. In 1977, he was posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by Jimmy Carter. In 2004, King was posthumously awarded the Congressional Gold Medal.

“That’s-a so nice-a. In honor of-a Dr. King, I will-a make-a the special of-a 10 wings-a, a soda, and a pizza for-a the low price-a of ah $10-ollars-a” said Smyrna pizza owner, Giovanni Puccini.

Dr. King was known as a great public speaker. Dr. King often called for personal responsibility in fostering world peace. King's most influential and well-known public address is the "I Have A Dream" speech, delivered on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C.

By File Boy

Gross or Cute?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

WHAT ARE THOSE!!!!!!!!!

(do you know what these are?)

by d.tkon

Small Dog Killed In Pit Bull Attack

PHILADELPHIA – An area pit bull provided a Philadelphia woman with yet more inescapable evidence that size does matter. The woman is distraught after a pit bull attack left her beloved pet, a ridiculously undersized, yappy, good-for-nothing-but-sleeping, eating and defecating, dog dead.

Tracy Stickter was walking her dog before going to church when she said a man began coming toward her with a pit bull on a leash.

Stickter said she picked up her Pomeranian named “Prince”, and put it under her coat. Instead of simply walking by or perhaps crossing the street, Stickter began making a scene. “I begged him, please don't take him off of the chain, I’m scared of pit bulls. He's going to attack us.”

Then she said the boy bent down and took the chain off.

Stickter said she tried to fight, but the dog scratched and pushed her and she dropped Prince.

“He kept charging me . . . He wouldn't let go so then the owner stood there and laughed...I’ll never forget his laughter, like it was a joke,” said Stickter.

Philadelphia police said the pit bull owner told them the dog slipped through his chain.

Police will turn the investigation over to the district attorney's office to see what charges, if any, will be brought.

Officials said the pit bull has been put to sleep on a nice pillow near a fire place.

by File Boy

(click on photo to enlarge!)

Talk About Handy-Capable!

LONDON, England (AP) -- Astrophysicist Stephen Hawking says he wants to undertake a zero-gravity flight aboard an airplane this year as a precursor to a journey into space, a newspaper reported Monday.

"This year I'm planning a zero-gravity flight and to go into space in 2009," he was quoted as saying in The Daily Telegraph newspaper, through his computer, which digitizes his voice.
Hawking, 65, has said he hopes to travel on British businessman Richard Branson's Virgin Galactic service, which is scheduled to launch in 2009. The service will charge space tourists about $200,000 (about £100,000) for a two-hour suborbital trip some 87 miles (140 kilometers) above the Earth. By 2010, Hawking expects to fly into space aboard one of the space shuttles. “I want to go into space.” Hawking said.

The scientist, who uses a wheelchair and communicates with the help of a computer because he suffers from a neurological disorder called amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, has done groundbreaking research on black holes and the origins of the universe, proposing that space and time have no beginning and no end.

Because of his ALS, Hawking will have to wear a diaper and be fed with a bottle. NASA is feverishly working on shuttle modifications to accommodate his special needs. Politicos are worried that with this groundbreaking trip, NASA will have to make all shuttles ADA compliant in order to avoid stiff penalties imposed by Congress. Hawking is hoping to get a chance at the controls of the shuttle and believes he can probably fly it with his joystick, right from his wheelchair.

by d.tkon

Old Bag Walking With Cane Hit, Injured Crossing Street

Police: Hit-And-Run Driver Arrested, Later Released

WILMINGTON, Del. -- State police said a 78-year-old bag who needed a cane to walk was struck and injured Sunday in Wilmington.

Police said the old bag had been warned by area motorists to stay off the streets. Local residents recounted the numerous warnings they often shouted at her, including “stay inside”, “this isn’t your home”, and “this doesn’t concern you”.

Initially police arrested the driver, 37-year-old Jesus El Toro of Wilmington, on charges including leaving the scene of an accident and driving with an expired license and no insurance, however Jesus was later released when he explained that the old bag rejected warnings to mind her own business and stay inside.

The “accident” occurred shortly before noon on Maryland Avenue, just east of Robinson Lane. Police said the “accident” “victim” was crossing the street where she didn’t belong when she was struck by El Toro's car. She was taken to Christiana Hospital, where she made a quick recovery.

Police said El Toro initially stopped prior to hitting the old bag, but then “stepped on it” when he noticed who it was.

The old bag has been sited for nagging, old bagging and sagging.

By File Boy

Ms. Lovelace, I think we’ve found the problem. . .

Don’t Let TMJ go to your head
ENHANCED X-RAY OF A TM JOINT* DEMONSTRATING THE HEAD OF THE CONDYLE IN CONTACT WITH THE TYMPANIC BONE

FRIDAY, Jan. 6 (HealthDay News) -- New research suggests that the gonorrhea-like condition known as urethritis , perhaps the most common sexually transmitted disease, can spread to men when they're on the receiving end of fellatio. "This one really nails it down," said Dr. Hunter Handsfield, a professor of medicine at the University of Washington who wrote a commentary about the findings.Urethritis, a condition related to a number of health problems, such as urinary tract infections and some sexually transmitted diseases, causes inflammation of the urethra. It can lead to genital discharge, burning during urination and redness and swelling at the tip of the penis, said Dr. Jeffrey D. Klausner, director of STD Prevention and Control Services with the San Francisco Department of Public Health.

The symptoms "usually signify an infection due to a germ, like a bacteria or virus," he said.According to Handsfield, urethritis brings more men to sexually transmitted disease clinics in the United States than any other condition or disease, and it may be the most common STD among both men and women.In the new study, Australian researchers recruited 329 men with urethritis symptoms that weren't related to gonorrhea and 307 healthy men. The researchers tested the men and asked them about their sexual habits.About five percent of the cases were directly related to germs from the mouth, including adenoviruses and a form of herpes. The researchers also found that urethritis without an apparent cause was more common in men who were on the receiving end of oral sex from their female or male partners.

The study findings appear in the Dec. 28 online edition of the Journal of Infectious Diseases. The research points to the potential influence of normally innocuous germs in the mouth, Handsfield said. "It suggests that some of these cases might be due to bacteria that are entirely normal when they're in the mouth but cause inflammation in the urethra."This also suggests that men shouldn't assume that getting a case of urethritis from a partner is a sign that she or he has been unfaithful, Handsfield said. The urethritis may have simply come from normal mouth germs.By contrast, there's no evidence that urethritis is easily passed to women during cunnilingus, Handsfield said. In fact, he said, cunnilingus seems to be safer when it comes to STD transmission than fellatio.

What does the urethritis finding mean for sexually active men? "Men who receive oral sex need to be concerned about STDs and talk to their doctor about what screening tests might be appropriate or how to reduce their risk for getting infections," Klausner said. "They also need to be more sympathetic toward their partner and be mindful of other non-sexually transmitted conditions that oral sex can cause such as TMJ."

by d.tkon (Research and Writing Credited to S'Girl <---- Thank you S'Girl)

Surprise Pentagon Briefing

The press corps was invited this morning to a surprise briefing by former Secretary of Defense (now deposed) Donald Rumsfeld. Rumsfeld, who no longer holds office, announced this morning that he’s found a new and more important job and wanted to let the world know what he’s now up to. To watch this press conference, click HERE

by d.tkon <---- No longer missing!

Cecil Cleveland fishing the Muskingum River, near McConnellsville

Area resident Cecil Cleveland Irate over Wife’s Choice of Blouse

Hackney, OH – During what was supposed to be the biggest party of the year for Cecil Cleveland, he spent the majority of the 1 and 1/2 hour Christmas party sitting in the back of Sgt. Colpepper’s squad car.

Earlier in the evening, Christmas party attendees indicated that Cecil was unhappy that his wife wore a very revealing blouse to the party. “He seemed to be frustrated from the minute he walked in” said Greg Gutshow, also in attendance. “He ordered an Alabama Slammer, and sat in the corner sipping it, watching his wife” Greg went on to say.

“The Company party for McConnellsville Publishing Company’s Distribution center staff has gone off each year without a hitch” said the Company’s Fun and Recognition committee member, Sharla Knox. “Each year we go to O’Flannigans Bar and Pub because they have the best Margaritas.”

Cecil’s wife, Lura spent the entire evening talking with Cecil’s co-workers, enjoying more attention than she had received in years while living with Cecil, in the couples’ two bedroom mobile home, near Athens.

Lura reported that she had never met most of the people Cecil worked with, until tonight. “Its like they all are so interested in everything I have to say!” Lura declared in the lady’s room to friend Becky Wadsworth.

Cecil’s plan to tell the one about ‘the priest, the rabbi and the preacher who went into a bar’ was interrupted when he noticed the attention his otherwise unassuming wife was garnering.

“People just gathered around her and began talking to her, mostly the guys” said Jennifer Brodin of Zanesville.

“Hey, what are you looking at?” Cecil was later quoted as saying.

Following the commotion of the bar fight that ensued, Cecil was dragged out and left in the street to “sober up” according to the bar’s bouncer, Czechoslovakian-born Victor Kumenko, who also called the police.

The fire that erupted immediately following the altercation is still under investigation, and police urge anyone with information to contact authorities immediately.

By File Boy

Ferry tragedy blamed on Inability to Stay Afloat

SURABAYA, Indonesia (AP) – The inability to tread water of an Indonesian ferry that sank last week with more than 600 people on board likely caused the ship to capsize, a top investigator said Thursday.

Similar accidents involving ferries have occurred elsewhere around the world, leading experts to call for design changes in the doors and ramps of the ferry.

Most of the passengers have been rescued, including the captain of the ship and 21 other survivors picked up on Wednesday, said navy spokesman Lt. Col. Tony Syaiful. The captain is being questioned by authorities at an undisclosed location.

The ferry sank in the Java Sea just before midnight Friday after a brief float several yards off shore.

"I suspect waves entered the underwater sliding glass door, which the captain may have inadvertently forgot to close, causing it to take-on water, making the vessel too heavy and unstable," Ruth Simatupang, a government investigator probing the accident, told The Associated Press.

The Senopati Nusantara was not overloaded, she added, citing witness testimony.

"Everyone could sit down, sleep and there was space on the deck," she said.

Indonesia has been wracked by at least six maritime accidents in different parts of the sprawling archipelago.

Survivors recalled the horror of the ferry's last minutes and the struggle to stay alive -- and at least two said they were told to sit down and shut up after questioning the rationale of leaving the underwater door open.

People who have something to keep them afloat can survive for days in Indonesia's warm tropical waters, but a rescue official said he thought it unlikely that many more people would turn up alive, since they relied on the boat to keep them afloat, and the boat was unable to float.
Those rescued in recent days have been found several hundred kilometers (miles) from where the ferry sank.

Relatives of the missing have converged on hospitals and ports along Java's coast, hoping their loved ones will turn up alive.

The Senopati Nusantara was built in Japan in 1992 and had a capacity of 850 people. The ferry contains one underwater sliding glass door, which designers felt would allow for fresh air and a nice view. The design, while perfectly sensible at the Ferry production plant has proven less desirable while at sea.

By File Boy

67-Year-Old Gives Birth to Twins

MADRID, Spain -- Hospital officials in Barcelona say a 67-year-old woman has given birth to twins.

Mother and boys are reportedly doing well, though the newborns were in incubators. They were delivered by Caesarean section Friday.
Officials said the woman had undergone in vitro fertilization outside of Spain.

A 66-year-old Romanian woman gave birth to a daughter two years ago.

Both women and the stories surrounding their remarkable pregnancies have grossed out dudes all over the world.

By File Boy

File Boy, DTKON Unable to Post, Rumors Fly

Wilmington, DE - Reporters in the Diamond state have said that an area boss may be responsible for a lack of posts on a webblog titled "Why I Shoot Stuff".

Late last week when most of the country was enjoying an extended vacation, file boy was showing up at work and being dumped on by his boss.

"I found myself inside of a deep pit, and at the top I could see my bosses ass", a nerve-wracked file boy was quoted as saying earlier today. "She just keeps dumping on me and I don't think I can take much more" he also said.

What is being dumped on file boy is the source of a contraversy, one that has gripped the tiny meaningless state in recent days.

"He seems to be referring to workload, as in his boss is dumping work on him" Jim McCoolin said when asked about where the posts had gone.

"No no, he's inside a porta potty and he's actually describing pooh" said a person who wished to be identified only as L.A.

Residents fear the situation involving Dtkon may be much worse. Some inner city businessmen were quoted as saying: "I saw him yesterday, he had a briefcase jammed up under his arm and papers were falling out of it. He was laughing and talking about a 'Mr. Murphy S. Law'. I think he has lost it".

Clearly more questions than answers at this point. We will keep you posted on this developing story, but for now we just have to watch and wait.

By The Editors