Panda Too Overweight To Mate, Keepers Say

BANGKOK, Thailand -- Sex and fat don't mix, at least not for Chuang Chuang the panda. Zoo keepers said he is too overweight to mate.

Now, Chuang Chuang is on a strict bamboo leaf diet at the Chiang Mai Zoo in northern Thailand. Zoo officials hope the weight-loss regime will get Chuang Chuang in shape for making some panda whoopee.

Zoo keepers have introduced Chuang Chuang to Ling Ling, a female panda at the same zoo.

Ling Ling has rejected Chuang Chuang’s advances, especially when they have occurred in front of her babies, Shiang Shiang and Truang Truang. Ding Ding, the head zoo keeper has suggested other ways to stimulate the pandas, including the idea of possibly showing the animals some “panda porn” to get them in the mood. Ding Ding’s supervisor, Spang Spang has rejected these ideas, noting in near perfect Engrish that pandas are “…velly consurative and don’t go in foll that solt of thing”.

Though Chuang Chuang is too fat to mate, and has generated little interest amongst the female pandas in the zoo, not everyone is uninterested in Chuang Chuang. Kentucky Fried Panda (“KFP”) has recently contacted the zoo to inquire about the hefty panda.

When reached for comment, KFP representatives were quoted as saying that in all likelihood, Chuang Chuang is finger ling-ling good.

By File Boy