Detroit Plans Extra Cushion for Pushing
Detroit, MI (AP) On the heals of numerous calls to the big three auto dealers, plans are now underway to help alleviate the friction and aggravation caused by their latest new Personal Safety Device recently released at the 2007 Las Vegas Auto Show. Evidently, questions were raised as to “how hard you would have to be hit from behind to get a good deployment.” Speculation as to whether “one good shot in the rear” or “would it take multiple rear end collisions” to deploy the device led the auto makers to install another safety precaution.
The device, appropriately called ‘Big Balls’, would allow for an extra cushion of protection between the striking object and the unfortunate victim. It is hoped that the device would stand up to multiple attempts to try and “trick” the Personal Safety Device into spontaneous deployment not triggered by front-end collisions. As with the Personal Safety Devices, Big Balls will sell for between $225.00 -- $480.00 depending on the features selected and will bounce into the retail market in March of this year.
Detroit, MI (AP) On the heals of numerous calls to the big three auto dealers, plans are now underway to help alleviate the friction and aggravation caused by their latest new Personal Safety Device recently released at the 2007 Las Vegas Auto Show. Evidently, questions were raised as to “how hard you would have to be hit from behind to get a good deployment.” Speculation as to whether “one good shot in the rear” or “would it take multiple rear end collisions” to deploy the device led the auto makers to install another safety precaution.
The device, appropriately called ‘Big Balls’, would allow for an extra cushion of protection between the striking object and the unfortunate victim. It is hoped that the device would stand up to multiple attempts to try and “trick” the Personal Safety Device into spontaneous deployment not triggered by front-end collisions. As with the Personal Safety Devices, Big Balls will sell for between $225.00 -- $480.00 depending on the features selected and will bounce into the retail market in March of this year.
(Thoughtfully submitted and lovingly crafted by S'Girl)
posted by File Boy & D.Tkon at 7:37 AM
3 Comments:
You know whenever I get behind a truck that has these stupid balls hanging down I want to punch the guy who has them. I drive a truck and feel no need to advertise the fact that I have testicles. I always unexpectedly look down at the rear bumper of the truck in front of me and then feel ashamed that they got me to look. I just want to punch these people.
Oh and while we're on the topic, I was thinking there are several things that indicate to me that a person a.) didn't go to college, b.) has a job that doesn't have dress code requirements, c.) has a low income job, d.) has made bad personal decisions throughout their life, e.) doesn't come from a respectable family, f.) doesn't go to church/synagogue/temple, etc...
And here are a few of them:
1.) any tatoo in a prominent place (anywhere on the head, forearms, neck)
2.) Crazy haricut (mohawk, crazy color (purple for instance),dreads or cornrows, etc...
3.) Ridiculous facial hair (soul patch, goatee longer than 1 inch, sideburns longer than the acceptable length (you know how long acceptable is), mustache connected to sideburns without requisite chin beard, etc...
4.) Rebel flag (this can be on a flagpole at someone's house, a bumper sticker, a front license plate, a window tinting flag, or any other clothing representing the rebel flag or any reference to the south ("Save your confederate money", "The south will rise again", or "Damn Yankees")
5.) Balls hanging down behind your truck. This means you don't care what your mom thinks about you, or what your boss thinks about you, or what your wife/girlfriend's family thinks about you. You don't care if it makes people feel uncomfortable.
6.) Any message on your car ("Rest in Peace Pedro 6/1/70-7/17/05", "Low Riders of Northern Delaware", "South Philly's Finest", or any of the car manufacturers names "Chevrolet" Ford, etc,... and you get extra points if any of the above is in some form of gangster cursive (you know what I mean).
7.) Ridiculous car hook-ups like spinning rims, glowing lights underneath your car, extra-dark tinted windows, low riders, stupid non-factory paint schemes, after-market racing stripes, etc...
What must we endure in the name of free speach? In keeping with the spirit of the day, all of the normal Americans need to ban together to start a campaign of peaceful shaming. We need to raise an eyebrow when we see these degenerates, and look at them askance. I want to make them all feel uncomfortable with my glare. Join me, won't you?
FB - I DEMAND that you delete this comment and post it as it's own article right on the front page of Why We Shoot Stuff. This is just too good to waste as a mere comment. AND, because I'm in a generous mood. I'll e-mail you a great picture to use as the header for your article. This is just hysterical!!!!! You're at your best when you're pissed!
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