@#%&*!!!

Foreign Vulgarity versus the Domestic Variety – Have we let down our International Counterparts?

To find the answer, the editors have scoured the very depths of the internet (and our own experiences) and bring you the following…

Most would argue that English obscenities are a pale shadow of the invective used in other languages. The F-word is the least of it. If there's a language that doesn't have the equivalent of the F’ word, I've yet to hear about it. Poles have pierdolic, the French foutre (from the Latin futuere), Soviet Georgians secems ... you get the idea.

And what about the Italian fangooloo (in my neck of the woods I always heard fongool)? According to Kevin Beary's Florentine Locutions (1991), it's properly spelled vaffanculo, a contraction of “va a fare in culo”, and literally means "go do [it] in the ass," (i.e., bugger off, f_ck off, and f_ck you). Some Italians affirm that the “ass” referred to is that of one's interlocutor, while others assert that the orifice in question is not yours or mine or anyone's in particular, but rather the universal anus," Beary says.

Hmmm, not bad, but are there others? Vaffanculo is merely the best known of a rich tradition of Italian oaths and imprecations. Not to be left out the Dutch dabble in some damnings as well.

In Dutch profanity, I like that Eikel can mean both dickhead and acorn, obviously owning to the Dutchman's underendowment. (Pardon my editorial chuckle, ha-ha). Ahem.

The Dutch also have a saying, Krig de mazelen, "May you get the measles". Not bad, but seems to be lacking.

What about this one: Matumbo yangu huzaa maradhi, "My womb has born a disease," Swahili. Said by a mother to a disobedient child. I think this one rings a bell to me, sadly.

Ooh, here’s a good one: La reputisima madre que te recontra mil pario, "The twice most whorish mother that bore you again and again one thousand times," Spanish (Argentina).

Mabial agpi-agpi ke mabial nganswang, "[You have] very short breasts like the breasts of a porcupine," Dinga (spoken in Zaire). Or: Dem inear-inear, "[You have a] greatly lined and wrinkled belly."

Melewe silom we ie maragus, "Your mother has yaws," Ulithian (Ulithi is a coral atoll in the Pacific.) Also: Falfulul silom, "Your mother's pubic tattooing!"

But unquestionably the best one is as follows: Bi damaghi babat rydam, "I shit on your father's nose," Farsi (Iran). Also: Guz bi rishit, "May a fart be on your beard." YES!! That’s what I want to tell people every day here at work. Guz bi rishit!

What English lacks in creativity is more than made up for in its signature simplicity. In fact many would argue that we have perfected it. After all, where else would you hear someone tell you to go f' your mother, eat one, f' off, eat sh_t, and shove it up your a$$? String these together and you have an America specialty.

Clearly we don't lack potential, just ambition.

By File Boy