New JVC 38DD/Shut-up Model Hits StoresNewYork NY (AP) – You’re sitting in your easy chair watching a particularly spicy episode of Nip Tuck. The doctor is admiring the results of his most recent breast augmentation surgery and is receiving a “personal” thank you from Ms. former perky B-32, (now a healthy curvoluptuous 38DD) when your caffeine and nicotine deprived-PMS-ing – had too much of the kids - non-stop-yammering- standing in front of the TV Wife (with her own 32-Bs) tells you “ENOUGH! with this show already!” in a way that leaves no room for doubt, that you are, in fact, finished watching.
Do not fret my fine P-whipped friend for help has arrived! JVC has just released the New 38DD/Shut-up Model XXcr Influencer. (See Picture) How does it work? Like a fucking charm sir. Like a fucking charm! Accompanying the 18-button hand-held unit (See Picture) is the real brain and brawn behind this product – a three millimeter breath mint (not pictured) which, in actuality is a tiny microcomputer that imbeds itself into the stomach lining of anyone who consumes it. It is both activated by stomach acid and incredibly, stomach acid provides the “juice” to make this little baby run. The microcomputer, once activated, quickly innervates surrounding tissues and sends nerve impulses and commands at levels which exceed normal brain stimulation levels. In other words, implantees are powerless to override the controlled impulses sent by the hand-held unit into the tiny brain.
The product is based upon technology developed by the CIA during the Bush administration to elicit cooperation from enemy combatants. Seeing how remarkably well these devices worked, it wasn’t long until “other” uses were envisioned by CIA handlers.
This product is SO simple and so easy to use, that believe it or not, it doesn’t even come with directions (other than the simple instruction to give the breath mint to the implantee 24 hours before attempting use.) These little beauties are selling fast, and can be found in most fine men’s stores and on the Internet. The MSRP is $795.00 but good discounts can be found.
Product reviews are welcome.
by d.tkon
posted by File Boy & D.Tkon at 5:34 PM
4 Comments:
NewYork, NY (AP)- Retailers are baffled by the suddenly empty shelves where once all the batteries used to be. "At first," stated Billy Bob Charles, "I thought it was just a late holiday thing. I mean, we usually see this sort of thing right before and after Christmas when everyone realizes they need batteries to operate all those toys and things. But this, this is more like hoarding."
A review of surveillance tapes at all the local stores show an increasing number of dowdy, angry women coming into various locations and literally buying out all types and sizes of batteries on the shelves. One particularly annoying female (with noticeably small breast but delightfully clean smelling breath) was questioned as to what she planned to do with all the batteries. "I'm keeping them under lock and key," replied Frances (last name withheld). "All I know is one day my normally obedient husband is doing what I say when I say and the next thing you know I'm down on my knees doing things I haven't done since before the wedding."
Very funny S’Girl – very funny. I’m sure your significant other wouldn’t even NEED one of those little gizmos in the first place right? The manufacturer was originally thinking of making them solar powered in order to avoid just such a situation. However, test marketing revealed that in households likely to consume this gadget, the sun never shines.
I think women need to hush it, button up and zip it. I'm absolutely not afraid of my wife, I tell her to shut up all the time. I don't even care if she reads this. What are you going to do about it cynthia? Huh? Why don't you shut up for once? God, I just want to have one night of peace around here. You go eat one you dipshit. Make my dinner woman! Whoohh! I feel good. Thank you.
Yeah you psycho hose bag!!! You ruined my bachelorhood. Eat one and pound sand you shit for brains!! YAYYYY!!! You guys Rock out with your Cock out!!! You Hang out with your Wang out!! You Jam out with your Ham out!!!!!!!
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