Sunday, February 04, 2007
About Me
- Name: File Boy & D.Tkon
This is a joint project between File Boy and D. Tkon (aka "Mr. Ass-Hat"). Ordinary office workers by day, these mild mannered bibliophiles don full body armor and shoot steroids at the end of the workday. If it moves it dies. If it dies it’s eaten. If it runs for office its shown no mercy here on the pages of WHY I SHOOT STUFF
Previous Posts
- Mangle Mouthed Muts Survive SurgeryHUNTINGTON, N.Y...
- ...
- Alaska Man Rides Mower To VirginiaAlaska Man Retar...
- Officers Cleared After Shooting Batman 11 TimesWil...
- (Click on Image to Enlarge)From the Files of File ...
- New JVC 38DD/Shut-up Model Hits StoresNewYork NY (...
- Man Storms out of Room, Silent Bewilderment Ensues...
- Gay Activists Demand an Apology from Actor Washing...
- Man Eats Whole Goddamn Box Of Donuts!Wilmington, D...
- Man Has One Last Argument with Wife Before Leaving...
13 Comments:
I like the Good Eating tag! (Yuck). You know, this weekend I went to Acme and bought two packs of maple cured bacon (two for one deal). I gotta tell you, if there is any better food than bacon, I don't want it. That is the best stuff on earth. And to think it comes from a disgusting filthy animal that wallows in its own feces (-Jules).
Reminds me of the time my friend bought a home that came with a pig. That's something that can only happen to you if you live out in the country. Anyway, I remember for the first two weeks I fed the pig (oh and the two goats). I took over table scraps. The best was when I gave the pig sausage. He carried this long piece of sausage away from the feed trough and went over to a corner where he could eat his sausage and not worry about anyone taking it away from him. He was so excited to get it. Then I remember feeling really bad about that later on. Lesson learned? Even pigs know pigs are delicious.
D- I'll have to share something with you if I can find it. Something germane to the discussion.
As long as we're remembering pig stories. When I was growing up a scary old great-aunt had a farm and I was forced to stay there on more than one occasion. Besides the wonderful meals of sweetbreads passed off as scrambled eggs and having to endlessly pull feathers out of a dead chicken, I had the wonderful experience of watching my great-uncle take the male baby pigs away from their mom squealing and yelling so he cld whack off their tiny little balls -- "makes them grow up fatter," he'd say. If tht wasn't disgusting enuf, then he'd hurl the tiny little balls at the eagerly awaiting pack of wolf dogs he also kept on the farm. Those dogs we're jumping on top of each other to get to those tasty little nuts!
And, bacon is a "nice, sweet meat!"
Even Pigs know Pigs are delicious! That's my thought for the day!
Why am I not surprised that S'Girl's story involves the cutting off of some poor guy's balls and watching them be eaten. S'Girl - you have to understand that men wince when women tell stories like that. It's ok if guys tell those stories, but women have to be careful in that sensitive area!
Farm life is the real deal. I pretend to be in the country, but I have satelite tv, a/c, etc... I remember going out to my grandmom's farm as a kid and walking around the corner of the barn and seeing a stack of dead cats. A stack. I went running into the house to ask what in the world could have caused those cats to a.) die, b.) die at the same time, and c.) end up stacked on top of each other like that. She (my grandmom) told me that her and my older cousin went out with a bat and a .22 and knocked-off several of them because there were getting to be too many. That's the real deal of the farm. Oh, and then there's the story of my mom being forced to eat the chicken that was her pet the day before. I don't think the pig balls story would cause my grandmom to pause one second. I'm sure she's been elbow deep in pig balls at some point in her life.
That could be an ad-campaign for staying in school. It could be called the "Stay-in-School, otherwise-you-might-end-up-chopping-off-pig-balls-and-feeding- them-to-dogs-because-you-can't-afford-dog-food-and-the-pigs-grow-up-fatter-without-balls" campaign.
d.t., let me get this straight. You guys can criticize, ridicule, and otherwise abuse women in this blog for your own personal amusement and entertainment of fellow guys. You can also criticize, ridicule and otherwise abuse men for the same reasons. You can refer to all female parts in any form you want AND you can also refer to all male parts any way you want. HOWEVER, if I mention grabbing you by the testicles (whether figuratively or actually) and twisting and turning until the whites of your eyes turn yellow and explode all over the place, tht is forbidden just because I am a girl? Yeah, right, that's gonna happen!
S'girl, what you wrote about D's eyes turning yellow makes me hurt. You just gotta stop with the graphic mayhem directed at sensitive areas. Yes its a double standard. Yes its unfair. But I didn't make the rules, I just live by them. Don't hate the playa, hate the game biatch. peace.
Speaking of pigs... I raised two pigs with the 4H Club. I was obessed with becoming a farmer when I was a little girl and I loved all things pig. When I was about 11 or 12 I heard about the 4H Club and mentioned to my mom that I was interested in joining, if I could raise a pig. So my mom inquired about the meetings and before I knew it we were sitting in a barn talking about the different stages of a pigs life and what it takes to raise them. It was $50 for a piglet. Now, what you have to keep in mind is that my mom was a single mother working very hard to provide a nice life for me and my older sister. She had a normal job at an insurance company and she would race home from work with just enough time to pick me up and drive out to McDonald's Farm (yes, McDonald's Farm) for my meetings. She never even had time to get changed from work.
Let me set the scene for you.
Me: A lanky, knobby kneed prepubesent girl with undoubtedly the worst hair cut you have ever seen.
My Mom: A very attractive, middle aged single mother of two, sharp hair cut, designer suit (OK, not designer but you get the idea).
Everyone Else: Filth-ridden children, with cut off jean shorts. Farmers, actual farmers, (these guys probably cut the balls off of our pigs because I never took part in that activity).
OK - So you get the idea that we didn't quite "fit in" with everyone else, but I raised my pig. Kendal to be exact. Yeah, I named him. We took turns on the weekends shoveling out the pigs pen and filling their troughs with more food. It was smelly but I loved it. This happened all summer and then at the end of August beginning of September we had to prep our pigs for auction.
Now that might not sound like a hard thing to do but you had to scrub your pig down. They are really dirty animals. And to prepare for the auction they need to be spotless. On top of bathing them we also had to shave (yes with a razor and shaving cream) their ears and tail. I wasn't too good at shaving them... Christ, I hadn't even started shaving my own legs.
Once Kendal was looking spiffy we had to learn how to walk together. The auction afterall was for butchers to bid on the fattest pig. So, you take a walking cane and hold it upside down and gently hit the pig on his check to get him to turn left or right. Really simple.
The day of the auction... I came in 1st place for fattest pig and 2nd place for overall showing. Not too bad for my first time 'round. You also get a percentage of the final bid price was... When you're 11 $150 is a lot of money.
OK... That's all I have to say about pigs. I still love them and hope to someday have some where I live. They really are sweet...
Kendall, thank you for that wonderful description. I have a little experience with pigs too, and I agree, they are very smart, almost cute and pretty cool to have around. My question to you is, if you raised one now, would you raise it to be eventually butchered, or would it only be a pet?
I've often thought about having some sort of farm animal around at my place, too. I think I have enough room to fence in about an acre of pasture, and I could build a little chicken coop, or pig house or goat house or something. I've also thought about getting a horse or two. So much work and money though, so we'll see. I think a pig would be a lot easier. I think if I raised one, I'd go into it for the bacon, but then I'd probably get attached to the little guy and wouldn't want to have him butchered. That's the thing about shooting a deer. I didn't know the deer, and he wouldn't let me pet him. My friends who hunt and I have a theory about hunting. It seems ok to shoot any animal that won't let you pet it. If it let's you pet it, you can't shoot it. If deer would just lay down and let us pet them, we wouldn't have the heart to shoot them.
The only way I could butcher a pig would be if I didn't make eye contact with him while I was raising him.
Did you ever just start reading something, get caught completely off guard by something hysterical, and then laugh so hard you almost had to leave work early because your bowels had to get involved in the fun? Well that just happened to me when I read the following words: “I remember going out to my grandmom's farm as a kid and walking around the corner of the barn and seeing a stack of dead cats. A stack. I went running into the house to ask what in the world could have caused those cats to a.) die, b.) die at the same time, and c.) end up stacked on top of each other like that.”
Killer! I don’t know why that hit me so hard but just went through half a box of Kleenex, the whole time praying to god that nobody would come into my office until I got myself back under control. Whew! Now I’m all sweating and shit. Thanks FB.
Funny what a picture of a dead fetal pig can spawn!
Hey S'Girl! I'm with FB on this one. I can't help it that there's a double standard. Just like you can't call a woman the "C" word, women can't go after a man's nuts, or anything remotely attachted to that. Divorce doesn't count though. In that case, it's always acceptable to remove the guys balls through his wallet.
...what a bunch of pussys.
S'Girl! Say whatever you want, just don't touch my nuts!
Post a Comment
<< Home