Flatulence Allegedly Sparks Jail Fight
Sheriff Blames Overcrowding (File Boy Blames Stupid Inmate, Beans)
NORTH PLATTE, Neb. -- Brian Bruggeman caused a stink at the Lincoln County Jail in Nebraska earlier this month and will now have to answer for it in court.
Another inmate, Jesse Dorris, alleged that Bruggeman's flatulence -- passed in close proximity to Dorris -- sparked a Dec. 14 fight between the two at the jail.
Now Bruggeman, 38, faces a Jan. 11 preliminary hearing on the state's complaint of assault by a confined person. It's a felony punishable by up to five years in prison.
Bruggeman (the farter) is accused of injuring Dorris (the fart recipient), his cellmate, when he pushed him into cell bars (was he pushed by the “wind”, or was he farted on and pushed?). Dorris, 26, was not charged.
The two began scuffling, County Attorney Jeff Meyer said Tuesday, because Dorris was fed up with Bruggeman's flatulence. Jail fights are common, Meyer said, but the cause of this one was rather uncommon.
"It's usually about someone hogging the newspaper or someone not happy about what's on TV," he said (I’m sorry, newspapers and tvs? That’s what “jail” is? Sitting around watching tv, reading the newspaper and farting on each other?!)
Bruggeman is serving a 90-day sentence for violating a protection order.
"He compounded his problems," Meyer said (Meyer, aka Captain Obvious).
Dorris is awaiting a January trial on a charge of aiding and abetting robbery (perhaps he should be happy all he’s getting from Bruggeman is farts).
Sheriff Jerome Kramer said the incident was a result of overcrowding (and possibly poor upbringing, a life of committing crimes, getting caught, poor choice in defense attorney, bad behavior, and finally, last night’s beans and franks dinner). The jail was built in 1933 and has a capacity of 23 inmates, according to 2006 standards, Kramer said. As many as 65 inmates have been lodged at the jail in recent days, he said (oh, tisk, tisk).
"You just can't get a reprieve from one another," Kramer said. "When you've got a guy causing problems passing gas, there's no way to get away from the smell" (except of course, not to COMMIT THE F_CKING CRIME IN THE FIRST PLACE).
By File Boy
posted by File Boy & D.Tkon at 10:02 AM
7 Comments:
I think Bruggeman is a genius! What a great self defense mechanism for keeping away all of the prison ass-jockies! Perhaps we’ll have to do a feature length article on him.
In nature, certain creatures have evolved an odor defense (stink bug, skunk, opossum, etc...) so its only natural.
Even more genius is the invention of the shart, which not only utilizes the stink element, but also some other "stuff" thrown in, for good measure.
You two are not thinking clearly. Obviously he already IS an award-winning ass-jockey and that's why he has such a large cavity that allows gases to stew and ferment before being released. And it also explains why he can release at will.
Didn't you see the first episode of Flava of Love, "Somethin' Stinkin' in the House of Love"?
I can't believe that I just acknowledged that I may have perhaps watched that show. IT WAS LIKE A TRAIN WRECK, I COULDN'T STOP WATCHING!
I also tuned in numerous times to the Flava of Love. I was unable to avert my gaze. But I will admit, there was a time when I really liked Public Enemy. Hey, Bruggeman is Public Enema #1, so it all makes scents, if you assk me.
I always love when we come full circle. I'm still back pondering the "shart". I think that's my new favorite word. I feel like Will Ferrell in Elf when he discovered the word "Fransico."
FERRELL: "Fransisco! That's fun to say! F r a n s i s c o !"
And who doesn't love coming full circle? You know? I mean, that's the question.
you two are my heroes.
i'm too, well, scared IS the word, to say it, so thank you - i love you concept
just visiting, La
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