Click to enlarge picture of ignorant chimp Just sitting around wasting time

Stupid Chimps Just Now Learning How To Use Spear!

Researchers Unclear If Incident Was Just Luck

DES MOINES, Iowa -- Researchers have witnessed a chimpanzee skewering a lemur-like creature for supper, but it's likely the spectacle was a bit of luck since Chimps aren’t nearly as smart as we are.

A team led by Iowa State University anthropology professor Jill Pruetz witnessed the spearing of a bushbaby in Fongoli, Senegal, during an observation of chimpanzees from March 2005 to July 2006. In a study being released Thursday in the online version of the journal Current Biology, Pruetz documents 22 cases of chimps using spear-like tools to hunt bushbabies - a stupid little primate that lives in hollow branches or tree trunks. It is thought that the stupid chimps are merely accidentally impaling the bushbabies, since Chimps are so stupid. They can’t even bathe themselves for crissake.

"It's not uncommon to have chimps use tools. But to use them in the context of hunting" is nearly unheard of, she said.

Pruetz said the practice is most common among adolescent females, ages 10 to 13, which must compete against physically superior males.

"It's a way of accessing protein or meat that is a creative solution to this problem," she said.
Pruetz said the chimpanzees stripped leaves from tree branches and modified the tip with their incisors, "effectively making a point." Then the chimpanzees jabbed the tool into a cavity to snag a bushbaby. “Too bad the chimps haven’t figured out how to make a tooth brush, since their breath smells like rotting bushbabies” she said. “Oh and they can’t add or subtract, talk, use a toilet or behave themselves either” she went on to say. Chimps are stupid.

Only once did researchers observe a chimpanzee extracting a bushbaby by using a spear, and that has some scientists questioning whether the chimp was actually hunting. Chimpanzees commonly use sticks to fish for food, such as termites, said Ian Gilby, a postdoctoral fellow who studies chimpanzee hunting at Harvard University. The fact that Chimps even eat termites is evidence of how stupid they are. They don’t know how to make steaks on the grill like humans do, because they are stupid. They probably drink water out of a stupid bowl instead of soda because they are stupid.

"You frequently see chimps sticking sticks into holes or trees, because they are stupid, and think that’s where food comes from," said Gilby, who hadn't read the study.

David DeGusta, an assistant professor of anthropological sciences at Stanford University, lauded Pruetz's work because of the rarity of studying chimpanzees outside Gombe, where renowned researcher Jane Goodall did her work. It's hard to get animals accustomed to human presence and willing to carry on naturally. Not to mention getting a stupid chimp to behave naturally”, DeGusta said. “Behave yourself you stupid chimp. See? Its just staring at me like I’m speaking Chinese or something. God, these animals are dumb. I can get my dog to shake hands, go potty outside and lay down. These Chimps don’t know their ass from a hole in the wall. They really don’t know shit from shineola” DeGusta went on to say.

"The more populations that are studied, the more we learn about how their behavior can vary," said DeGusta, who also hadn't read the study.

No one has read the study because it’s really boring and about stupid chimps. I’m certainly not going to read that shit.

Pruetz's study was funded by Iowa State University and the National Geographic Society.
Her Iowa State graduate students continue to observe other emerging patterns among chimpanzees in Senegal. None of those patterns are interesting, nor are they indicative that Chimps are anything but stupid, smelly animals. Maybe if the study was on how to cook them and eat them more people would read it. But no, it’s just boring and stupid.

"In a million years I never would've predicted that I would've seen (hunting)," she said. "I'm going to plug along and see what unfolds" said Pruetz, the stupid woman.

By File Boy