And now for today’s installment of…PULLED FROM THE HEADLINES…
Deer Open Door, Visit Retirement Home
According to Patient, Animals Had Triggered Automatic Door
NEW OXFORD, Pa. -- A pair of deer took a quick tour of a retirement home after one accidentally triggered an automatic door.
The animals wandered the halls of the home Wednesday after one stepped on a mat that triggered a clear sliding door, according to a patient in the home for the elderly and insane.
"They were trying to get in because it was taco day," said Fran Buchman, an 88 year old resident of the Cross Keys Village/The Brethren Home Community.
The police report taken shortly after the incident reveals the following claims, made by the 88 year old patient of the home:
1.) The deer ran down a hallway on two legs ranting and raving "like lunatics".
What it would probably look like on surveillance cameras if you were watching and a deer suddenly just walked into your store and started walking around looking for bargains and shit
Deer Open Door, Visit Retirement Home
According to Patient, Animals Had Triggered Automatic Door
NEW OXFORD, Pa. -- A pair of deer took a quick tour of a retirement home after one accidentally triggered an automatic door.
The animals wandered the halls of the home Wednesday after one stepped on a mat that triggered a clear sliding door, according to a patient in the home for the elderly and insane.
"They were trying to get in because it was taco day," said Fran Buchman, an 88 year old resident of the Cross Keys Village/The Brethren Home Community.
The police report taken shortly after the incident reveals the following claims, made by the 88 year old patient of the home:
1.) The deer ran down a hallway on two legs ranting and raving "like lunatics".
Picture of a deer on two legs, taken shortly before the "bludgeoning hoof and rampage tragedy of Tioga County" in PA, 2001.
2.) The deer rode up and down the elevator for a while playing jokes on some of the patients and spreading bewilderment and confusion throughout the home.
3.) The deer went into a cafeteria service area and made tacos for themselves.
4.) The deer ran around and taunted (Buchman).
According to Buchman, the deer then split up. One made it to a loading dock area and escaped through another automatic door, the other jumped through a window. Staff members at the home question Buchman’s story, pointing out that the surveillance cameras recorded no deer activity and staff members who were on duty at the time, reported they never saw the deer.
In a surprising revelation, Buchman’s claims may have been lent some credibility earlier today when the janitorial service responsible for the home confirmed that an “awful mess was found in stall three of the men’s room”, which “…looks as though it was made by a wild animal of some sort”.
3.) The deer went into a cafeteria service area and made tacos for themselves.
4.) The deer ran around and taunted (Buchman).
According to Buchman, the deer then split up. One made it to a loading dock area and escaped through another automatic door, the other jumped through a window. Staff members at the home question Buchman’s story, pointing out that the surveillance cameras recorded no deer activity and staff members who were on duty at the time, reported they never saw the deer.
In a surprising revelation, Buchman’s claims may have been lent some credibility earlier today when the janitorial service responsible for the home confirmed that an “awful mess was found in stall three of the men’s room”, which “…looks as though it was made by a wild animal of some sort”.
What it would probably look like on surveillance cameras if you were watching and a deer suddenly just walked into your store and started walking around looking for bargains and shitTheir adventure took just over a minute, Buchman said.
At a press conference following the “deer invasion” Buchman took the podium and issued the following statement: “they've got jellybeans and coconuts with little hats, candy rats chocolate bats its a wonderland of sweets, find a candy train to town and hear the candy band, candy bells its a treat as they march across the land, cherry ribbons stream across the sky into the ground, turn around be astound at the dancing candy treats, in the candy cave imagination runs so free…I like deer and ice cream and pastries”.
At a press conference following the “deer invasion” Buchman took the podium and issued the following statement: “they've got jellybeans and coconuts with little hats, candy rats chocolate bats its a wonderland of sweets, find a candy train to town and hear the candy band, candy bells its a treat as they march across the land, cherry ribbons stream across the sky into the ground, turn around be astound at the dancing candy treats, in the candy cave imagination runs so free…I like deer and ice cream and pastries”.
by File Boy
posted by File Boy & D.Tkon at 11:18 AM
4 Comments:
OMG! Excellent excellent excellent!
I think you may have coined the need for a new term:
Venison + Insanity = Venisanity! That's what you have here. This story is just plain funny! I laughed out loud over and over.
How perfect that they chose to visit a home for the elderly AND insane. When did THOSE folks start bunking up together?
Deer riding in elevators, playing pranks and spreading bewilderment, fashioning tacos. Of course! What else do they have to do with all that free time. You can only spend so much time eating grass and dooting.
I love the pictures depicting NOT what happened, but what it would have looked like IF it had happened. Brilliant! And of course, choosing to end your venisantiy with the reciation of the Candy Mountain National Anthem was just sheer brilliance!
Now do it again!
Venisanity, perhaps the best thing ever to come out of this blog. I come down with it every year around late August (just before bow season opens up).
...okay, I've been keeping track and so far you "boys" have come up with 8 instances that you call "best thing ever to come out of this blog". Pick one!
Really the "best thing out of the blog" award can't be picked by us. We need you to tell us what you like. If they all suck, then tell us which one was the suckiest so we can avoid it (or that topic).
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