While doing some spring cleaning in the attic here at the Why I Shoot Stuff shack I found a box labeled: "Do Not Open Until The Future". "Wonder why they capitalized 'The'" I thought, staring at the label. Of course I opened it. Inside was a crystal ball. A piece of paper next to the glass ball had written on it: 'Peer into the crystal ball and see the future!' Well, I'm always game for a little soothsaying, so I looked into the crystal.
As I looked, I saw newspaper headlines. They were as follows:
"Chelsea Clinton Announces 2016 Bid for White House"
Well, no surprise there, right? The next headline I saw wasn't that surprising either, really.
"Chelsea's Husband Announces 2024 bid for White House"
Really all of the headlines make sense, when you really think about it.
"Bill and Hillary Celebrate and Endorse Announcement of Clinton Dynasty by Sacrificing Christian Babies"
As I looked, I saw newspaper headlines. They were as follows:
"Chelsea Clinton Announces 2016 Bid for White House"
Well, no surprise there, right? The next headline I saw wasn't that surprising either, really.
"Chelsea's Husband Announces 2024 bid for White House"
Really all of the headlines make sense, when you really think about it."Bill and Hillary Celebrate and Endorse Announcement of Clinton Dynasty by Sacrificing Christian Babies"
Those babies are so cute. They're almost too cute, know what I mean? In the Clinton's defense, they probably should be put down.
"Bill and Hillary Announce New Mandatory Custom: Eating Christians to Celebrate Christmas"
Get a load of the size of those utensils! Now that's some good eatin'!
"WalMart Announces Living Christian Christmas Candles to hit Stores by 12/01/2025"
This last one is a little extreme, (and bizzare taken together with this picture) but you have to admit, this kid makes a good candle. Even his hair is ablaze. He looks like he's really fed up with Satan too! He looks like he's saying: "Errrrrr (satan)!" This kid is on-fire for the Lord!
Get a load of the size of those utensils! Now that's some good eatin'!"WalMart Announces Living Christian Christmas Candles to hit Stores by 12/01/2025"
This last one is a little extreme, (and bizzare taken together with this picture) but you have to admit, this kid makes a good candle. Even his hair is ablaze. He looks like he's really fed up with Satan too! He looks like he's saying: "Errrrrr (satan)!" This kid is on-fire for the Lord! At any rate, I put the crystal ball back in the box and stashed it back in a corner of our attic. I should probably get back to work anyway.
fileboy
posted by File Boy & D.Tkon at 1:35 PM
6 Comments:
Couple thoughts here. First of all, I recently heard that Monica Lewinsky just turned 30! She’s grown up SO FAST! It seems like it was just yesterday that she was crawling around on her hands and knees on the Whitehouse floor!!
How’d you get that little Christian baby to pray? Do Christian baby’s pray in utero? I know some babies suck their thumbs in the womb.
The knife and fork are just perfect. Perfect for eating Christians that is! I think it makes sense. You’d want to use a huge knife and huge fork so you could cut them into giant pieces because they taste so bad. You’d want to get the whole disgusting business over as quickly as possible. Thanks for illustrating that.
As for Candle boy, is that a costume or did he just burst into flame from being angry – angry at getting priest cock up his ass AGAIN!!! I’d burst into flames too if my priest tried to fill me with the word of god every weekend. I think the last priest they arrested for molestation had tattooed the word Jesus on his wiener. That one was definitely filling young boys with the word of god!
I guess Candle boy’s mom didn’t want to pay the extra $10.00 for the red candle boy shoe covers recommended by the manufacturer (and in accord with good taste)
Couple thoughts here. First of all, I recently heard that Monica Lewinsky just turned 30! She’s grown up SO FAST! It seems like it was just yesterday that she was crawling around on her hands and knees on the Whitehouse floor!!
How’d you get that little Christian baby to pray? Do Christian baby’s pray in utero? I know some babies suck their thumbs in the womb.
The knife and fork are just perfect. Perfect for eating Christians that is! I think it makes sense. You’d want to use a huge knife and huge fork so you could cut them into giant pieces because they taste so bad. You’d want to get the whole disgusting business over as quickly as possible. Thanks for illustrating that.
As for Candle boy, is that a costume or did he just burst into flame from being angry – angry at getting priest cock up his ass AGAIN!!! I’d burst into flames too if my priest tried to fill me with the word of god every weekend. I think the last priest they arrested for molestation had tattooed the word Jesus on his wiener. That one was definitely filling young boys with the word of god!
I guess Candle boy’s mom didn’t want to pay the extra $10.00 for the red candle boy shoe covers recommended by the manufacturer (and in accord with good taste)
I don't know what happened?! My thoughts were posted twice. I don't know what happened ?! My thoughts were posted twice.
Everyone knows Christian babies pray all the time. These particular Christian babies are praying for you, DTKON. They are also praying people won't eat them.
Candle boy's costume was merely a representation of burning Christians. I can't speak to his shoes, or whether black or red is in better taste. I have no idea what color "fire shoes" should be (if fire shoes even exist!!). On the one hand, red seems obvious, but on the other, ashes might be black. Hot tar might be black. Maybe its his way of saying he's for a black president, so he can keep from being burned alive. I don't know. How could I know? How could anyone know?
This entire line of questions has left me beside myself.
I don't think all priests are molesters. There are probably several who rarely ever molest. You should be more careful with these broad characterizations.
Well I think you've captured my sentiments with your statement:
"There are probably several [priests] who rarely ever molest.
Well that sounds just about right!
Just remember, Jesus loves you, but he may not respect you in the morning.
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