How to Survive the Hilocaust

Ok, first of all, we’re going to need to start saving bottled water. With the inevitable election of the succubus, we all know we’re going to have to stand in long lines, “…days work for a pound of flour” they’ll probably say. What with the mark of the beast and all, I’m sure she’ll ration the water as well. I've already heard pundits proclaiming that "water is the new oil”.

Then again, if you have guns, you can take water from others.

Stock Up On Essentials

Next thing we’ll need to do is buy ammunition. Sooner or later the jack-booted thugs are going to come a calling, and they’re going to want to round up all of our guns. Make sure you have plenty ammo around so you can shoot them.

Hide The Evidence

Burn your books now. When the hell beast takes office, there will likely be a list of forbidden books you’ll have to destroy. My theory is, burn it now, save time later. Start out with your radical religious books (you know, the Bible, your pseudoscientific creation institute propagana, your hunting magazines, etc…) since they’ll be on the list of forbidden reading materials. Save all other books so you can start fires in your woodstove when we run out of heating oil.

In order to assimilate to the new regime, remove your right-wing bumper stickers from your car (“I Vote and I’m Pro-Life”, the Jesus fish, “Bush ‘04”, “amateurs built the ark, professionals built the titanic”, “Jesus is coming, Everyone look busy” “Answer my prayers, Steal this car!”, “Are you as close to Jesus as you are to my bumper”, “Atheism is a non-prophet organisation”, Jesus Loves You, But I’m His Favorite”).

Replace your religious bumper stickers with funny atheist bumper stickers that imply you are a non-believer, and you have a sense of humor (you know, "667, neighbor of the beast", “Jesus may love you, but he won’t respect you in the morning”, “Jesus paid the price, Visa declined”, “Can’t stop now, on my way to Hell!”, “Jesus Saves Sinners, and redeems them for valuable cash and prizes”, “Darwin Loves You”, “God is coming and She is pissed”, etc…).

Don't stop at your bumper stickers. Clothing is an important part of any demonophile.

Throw out any clothing that looks like you are not assimilating. That includes your plaid red jackets, denim-anything, camo clothing, tractor supply clothing, ‘Git-R-Done’ memorobilia, and anything that refers to country music, Nascar or Bass fishing.

What's Next?

Await further instruction from this blogsite. We will keep a close eye on Hilary Rodham Clinto for you, and we will provide updates as the situation warrants.

by: fileboy