Man Shits to Death in Port-a-potty Accident

PHILADELPHIA -- A man was found, shitted to death late Tuesday night on 60th Street near Webster in West Philadelphia.

Police said a neighborhood port-a-potty was the scene of the shitting. After eating a large meal at a nearby Kennedy Fried Chicken , the man was urged to use the nearby facility by his girlfriend. “He stunk and his stomach kept gurgling. He looked like he was in serious pain. I was like, ‘honey, why don’t you go use the bathroom?’”

When the noise stopped, and after waiting what seemed like hours, the girlfriend began to knock at the door of the portable toilet. When there was no answer, she held her nose and pushed open the door.

Records show that the police were called from the girlfriend’s cell phone. Upon arriving at the scene, officers found the man dead, the victim of Philly’s latest shitting death.

There's no word on the victim's name or age, however the girlfriend of the victim detailed the components of the last meal. “He placed his order through the bullet proof glass for a large family sized bucket of wing zings and wouldn’t share any of them with me. I had to settle for potato wedges and macaroni and cheese”.

Police have made no arrests. This is the 357th shiticide in Philadelphia this year.

by File Boy