This is what it looks like when a Democrat shows up at your house looking for money. All smiles one minute and then they are pillaging your womenfolk and casting spells on you so you will believe in them. This picture was taken as some very evil men were caught in the act of greasing the she-beast's paws with their dirty money.

What it means to be a “Democrat”

I think a lot of people who are Democrats probably don’t realize that they are following lockstep behind the Beast prophesized in the book of Revelations in the New Testament. It’s not their fault though, I’m sure no one ever took the time to explain this to them. Since this blog is the last bastion of truth, and since I know you turn to us for help in these trying times, I will endeavor to make it all plain for you, our lone reader.

Let’s begin by taking a look at the definition of the term. Merriams defines “Democrat” as "an adherant of the Democratic Party".

Hmmm..."Democratic Party" eh? "Adherant" you say? More like worshiper of evil!

Just take a look at how Merriams is trying to hide the truth! “Democratic” is defined as “of or relating to one of the two major political parties in the United States evolving in the early 19th century from the anti-federalists and the Democratic-Republican party and associated in modern times with …the blah blah blah”. But is that all there is to this word?

No! I decided to delve deeper into this word because terms don’t just appear out of thin air with no story behind them. Not to say that the word isn’t perfectly cromulent in its own right, but there must be more to the story.

Using the principles of theoretical linguistics and morphology and good, old-fashioned Republican ingenuity, I took a closer look at the term “Democratic”. What I saw may shock you.

In this following segment, I recommend that you ask your children to look away from the computer monitor.

Democratic sounds a lot like “Demon Crack Addict” if you ask me. Maybe a little too much like it. You can clearly see the beginnings of the term. I can easily imagine a time in the early 1800s when an anti-federalist person might have gone to town to cast his honest vote but all of a sudden some Democrat guy comes up (apparently having escaped from the bottomless pit to work his evil deeds) and he’s all like “hey anti-federalist, why don't you vote for the democrats and we’ll give you universal health care and lollipops for all the babies”.

Evil lollipops given out to babies of honest folk, in an attempt to mislead you. Eat not of these forbidden fruity candies.

Then the honest, hard-working anti-federalist guy probably was like, “No way you demon crack addict”. Then he’d go home to his paid-for house and his wife that he never cheats on and say, “Today when I went to cast my vote I happened upon one of those Democrats. Those sick and twisted “demon crack addicts”.

+







= Demon Crack Addicts.

Over the years this term has undoubtedly morphed from “demon crack addict” to demoncracktic and later to demoncratic and finally democrat. It’s an obvious leap.

Please be careful whenever you encounter a Democrat. They have ways of luring you into a false sense of security, and then WHAM! You're in hell.

by: fileboy

I hate change. One time an observant employer forced me to attend a course on "Change Management". The course was taught by a fat woman who dared to employ such extremist tactics as directing the attendees to remove their wrist watches and place them on their other arms! The fat woman, revelling in her success as the class gasped at this sudden and unexpected measure of changiness, instructed us to "sit there with our watches on our wrong arms and try to allow the sensation of change to wash over your bodies. Embrace the change." She knew how to create an atmosphere of change. I remember thinking, "fuck this crazy change shit". Then I was all like, "later fatty" and I rolled.

Actually I stayed til the end of the day, but I left as soon as it was 5 o'clock and I didn't even pick up any of her pamphlets or give her my real email address.

“Super Tuesday” Not So Super For Local Man

Townsend, DE -- All the talk about Super Tuesday caused confusion for one man who was said to be experiencing more of a “Mediocre Tuesday”.

In theUnited States, Super Tuesday commonly refers to the Tuesday in early February or March of a presidential election year when the greatest number of states hold primary elections to select delegates to national conventions at which each party's presidential candidates are officially nominated.

“It all began this morning”, said the local Townsend resident who wishes to remain anonymous. “I planned to get up about a half hour early so I could go vote before my 8:00 a.m. meeting at work. Then, about 10 minutes before I planned to get up, my phone rings and it’s my neighbor. My stupid dog is out of our yard and has their stupid dog cornered in their stupid deck behind their stupid house. They told me to come get her”.

During today’s primary elections more delegates can be won than on any other single day of the primary calendar, and accordingly, candidates seeking the presidency traditionally must do well on this day to secure their party's nomination.

“I had to put on my pajama bottoms and flip flops to go out and find a flashlight in the garage so I could see while I walked all over the wet lawn in the dark trying to find my ill-bahaved dog” the visibly vexed man reported. “Then she wouldn’t come back over to our lawn because she knew her shock collar would zap her. I don’t even know how she’s getting out” the exasperated resident said.

In 2008, Super Tuesday is February 5; 24 states will hold primaries or caucuses on this date, with 52 percent of all pledged Democratic Party delegates and 41 percent of the total Republican Party delegates at stake.

“So I head over to the local polling place (an elementary school known for its secret locking doors that open one minute and then magically lock you in and/or out of the building when you least expect it and its dew-kissed, unmowed lawns which you have to walk around in while wearing your work shoes so you can find your way back into the building when its leprachauny locking doors have worked their magic on you) and get there at about 6:35 a.m. Of course they don’t open until 7. I can’t wait because I have a meeting at 8 at work. So I’ll have to go back after work.”

To increase importance of their votes, many states have moved up their primaries to February 5, 2008. This new, earlier cohort of primaries and caucuses has thus come to be referred to as "Super Tuesday." (By way of denoting its political magnitude, some pundits have variously dubbed it "Giga Tuesday," "Mega Giga Tuesday," "Tsunami Tuesday" or even "Super Duper Tuesday." "Super Tuesday" is, however, the nominal term and the one most widely used.)

“Then when I get to work I am immediately bludgeoned with about 15 assignments that are hurled at me from one of the 15 directors, managers and officers I indirectly report to. The idea of today being super is just a sham. What a misnomer. ‘Oh boy, can’t wait to go back to the zany locking door polling place to register my superfluous vote’” the man sighed as he typed these bitter words into his computer in his cramped and smelly cubicle sadly decorated with cute pictures hanging all over and work-approved motivational posters about “Behavioral Styles” and “Be Here Now” hanging all over the place.

by: fileboy