File Boy Spotted!

Williamstown, NY – Sunday November 5, 2006. Townsfolk made several phone calls to Williamstown police on Sunday morning following three separate sightings of File Boy. The ever elusive gun toting, tractor-driving, micro-brew-drinking, fire-starting, lover of snowfalls dropped in biblical proportions, was reported seen pulling a sled burdened with eight cases of a rare-never-before seen micro brew, a can of lighter fluid and an institutional-sized container of Cheese-Wiz. Williamstown police confirmed the phone calls as well as the sightings. In a statement to the media, Lieutenant R. O’Shea confirmed that a deer-hunting license issued to File Boy was found in the snow adjacent to tracks left by his sled. As a consequence of record-breaking lake-effect snows in the area, police could not undertake a search at this time. Asked to comment on the necessity of apprehending File Boy, O’Shea stated, “Well, eight cases is a lot of beer and, ya know, bullets and beer don’t mix.” According to O’Shea, officers will wait for a break in the weather to begin their search.